A gorgeous friend of mine recently had “MILF” yelled at her from a pickup truck window. The fact that a guy would yell that at a beautiful woman did not surprise me as much as some guy who “defended” it by saying, “Its (sic) a compliment to all the mothers out there who work hard for what they have. If they yell it, your (sic) doing something right.” But, I don’t really want to go down the predictable road on which I talk about how — for me — having “I’d like to fuck you, mom!” is not really a compliment. Or the road down which I tell you I checked that guy’s Facebook profile and — yes — he is single.
What I’d like to talk about are the things I actually would like — as a mom — to have yelled at me from a car window. Here are a few:
- Mom, you are doing a fucking awesome job with your kids, despite the non-existent sweet spot called “good mothering!”
- Mom, I’d like to fucking kill the guys who say, “She’d be pretty if she just lost some weight!”
- Mom, you are so nice to be out walking with your kids, given that this is your only fucking alone time!
- Mom, what’s with the fucking price of peanut butter?!
- Mom, I bet you’re so fucking tired. Would you like me to cook dinner tonight?
- Mom, as a male who actually had a mother, I’m going to stop yelling at you right now, because it’s just. Fucking. Annoying. And I also know that you run a little anxious, so being yelled at from a 2-ton moving vehicle is always a little disconcerting. I hope you get something just for you today!
Fuckin’. Right. Again.