When I was a little girl, I HATED corporations. I thought they were gross!
Then something happened in 6th grade. Our class went on a week-long, overnight field trip to this nature center on the Connecticut shore. I ended up getting this MASSIVE crush on a corporation.
By the end of 7th grade, a corporation asked me out. That corporations didn’t even talk to me when we went to a dance or to play tennis. That corporation was really shy!
Eighth grade was when I started getting a little CORPORATION CRAZY. OHMYGAWD I loved KISSING corporations. I loved talking to corporations on the phone. My first corporation-friend taught me that Led Zeppelin was not a GUY.
By ninth grade I was dating an older corporation. Unfortunately, by the next summer, the corporation lived in Montauk with a girl who would later be voted Best Looking in her class. But, I made-out with that corporation a TON my sophomore year at parties, even though the corporation was still dating Best Looking. Ha!
I went steady with a nice corporation junior and senior years.
College spelled M-E-S-S for me. This is probably because I did not read a bible. JUST KIDDING! It’s because my parents had gotten divorced and when I left high school I came UNHINGED. I ended up with an eating disorder and took some time off. By the time I went back to college, I was mostly attracted to corporations that didn’t LIKE me that much.
Post-college was a time I seemed to be attracted to only JEWISH corporations. To this day, if I’m attracted to a corporation, they are guaranteed to be at least some part Jewish!
At age 25, I met the nicest Jewish corporation I’d ever known. The corporation was kind and loving and — guess what? — the corporation and I got married!
The corporation and I have an egalitarian marriage: we take equal responsibility for our kids and for the work around the house. My only complaint is that the corporation doesn’t do much cooking. Bottom line: the corporation is a GREAT dad and husband.
It’s not easy to find a good corporation. But I highly recommend avoiding Oklahoma.
Categories: funny feminism