general humor

Black Puffy Jackets and Eyebrows

A few years back, I noticed this trend around Barrington where many of the blonde women were wearing Black Puffy Jackets. Someone I absolutely love and adore has a Black Puffy Jacket and regularly makes fun of me for making fun of the jackets. So, one day, when a BLACK PUFFY JACKET showed up in the mail, addressed to me, with nothing but a Chinese return address on the package, I assumed it was a joke from my friend.

My friend hadn’t ordered the jacket, but I remembered my mother (while she was still living in a nearby hotel with her cat, before they both left for England) saying that she needed a winter jacket for England and that she’d seen a girl online wearing a cute black jacket with a white, fur-trimmed hood. So, I figured my mother had ordered the jacket for herself and sent it to my house.

The jacket was an XXL, but teensy tiny. So, I wasn’t going to FORWARD a coat that I knew wouldn’t fit my mom. Not forwarding the jacket was A Very Good Idea, because the jacket never would have reached my mom in time, as she was kicked out of England after 6 weeks (another story).

Soooooooooooooooooo…I kept the Black Puffy Jacket. Now, this is no designer Black Puffy Jacket. This is the CHEESIEST  Black Puffy Jacket ever, TRYING to be a fancy-schmancy North Face jacket. How can you tell it’s trying to be fancy? Because the lining of the jacket has illustrations of super-fancy things, like perfume bottles and NECKLACES.

But, that jacket is WARM! It’s like bundling up in a cozy sleeping bag. And the welcome warmth of that Black Puffy Jacket is just another one of those lessons in NOT making fun of shit, because if you make fun of things and continually AVOID those things, you miss out some of the best things in life: like cozy warm jackets and LAND/RANGE ROVERS. <— no.

black puffy jacket_periscopeThe Very Best Part of the jacket? The white fur hood lining, which is removable, but when attached, makes the hood super-extra-large and kinda feels like you’re walking around in a black puffy, fur-trimmed PERISCOPE, which — as I’m sure you can imagine — is hilarious and adorable and also makes it hard for me to see where the dog is pooing.

The best thing? The other day I had my invisible, grey-haired eyebrows dyed and now I have “black” puffy EYEBROWS to go with the coat! You can see both here:

black puffy jacket_hood up

Whoops! Hold on…the “fur” fell down and covered up my eyebrows…

black puffy jacket_black puffy things

There we go!

Categories: general humor

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6 replies »

  1. Uhm. I was getting ready to leave a comment and then the black bar ^ started snowing onto the screen. I thought I was seeing stars because I was laughing so hard at your post! Bwahaha! But no. It’s just you effing with the vestibular challenged. I just love this post. I, too, caved and bought (yes ma’am, I said I BOUGHT) a shin-length puffy coat with crazy fur-trimmed periscope hood. My fellow band peeps are jealous during our Ohio, but feels like Minnesota in January, football games. The periscope hood is no good for talking while sitting next to friends on bleachers. It’s an antisocial coat. I should take a hint that it wants to be alone.

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