Today I am holding five competitions for MY LOVE. CBW love is nothing to scoff at. You will receive earnest birthday wishes signed with X’s and O’s and also declarations of your awesomeness in CAPITAL LETTERS.
I will be linking these competitions to my new cell phone acquisition, which I hope to be live videotaping later today via my laptop. Here are the five specific competitions. Please make your entries in the comments section of this blog post and good luck to all!
COMPETITION A: How many minutes into discussing the features of my cell phone will the Best Buy employee look like s/he has entered a customer service hell never experienced before?
COMPETITION B: Name the specific hour/minute at which my husband will declare any of the following: 1. It’s just a phone! PLEASE JUST GET SOMETHING; 2. You’re a smart woman, Catherine; you can handle a phone with call waiting and texting (and/or any additional other features of which I am currently unaware exist and mostly overwhelmed by); 3. I’m going to find a vegan bakery where there’s some cool music playing. We’ll pick you up in an hour.
COMPETITION C: Number of phones that CBW will pick up and have pretend conversations while saying things like, “this one is too light;” or “my mouth doesn’t even reach the mouthpiece, my words will never actually reach the phone!” or “I can’t even get my hands around this wide-body;” or “I’m just not a Apple person; I’m more of a Windows [tm] girl;” or “this one is way too heavy;” or “this is like holding an iPAD to my head;” or “Captain, can you hear me?! He’s all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to 1300 feet. What an asshole!”
COMPETITION D: Percentage chance that CBW will spend at least two full hours shopping and then leave Best Buy without a phone while she Makes Her Decision.
COMPETITION E: Number of days after cell phone purchase before CBW gives her cell phone number to her mother.