general humor

Signs That You Suck

What if I suck? What if I am not THAT funny and will never make any money off my humor writing because I’m not talented enough? Well, here’s the thing…

Have you ever noticed that COSMIC and COMIC are just ONE LETTER APART? So are the words SWANKY and SKANKY! Isn’t that hilarious?! That has NOTHING to do with what I’m talking about, but I just thought of the COSMIC/COMIC thing this morning and I didn’t want to forget to tell you.

Let’s continue…

What if I do suck? What if I am NOT that talented? What if I will never, ever, never, ever (also one-letter-off words) make money at my humor writing?! Well, WHAT A HORRIBLE FUCKING THING THAT IS TO BELIEVE ABOUT MYSELF!

It is not sustainable to go through life THINKING that. That is some put-on-the-John Mayer-CD-and-slit-my-wrists kind of HORRIBLE (Important Note to Readers: I have no idea what songs John Mayer sings. I just sort of assume his music is kinda cheesy, and — also — I’m trying not to BING my facts as often, which — now that I write that out — kinda sounds (stupidly) like I’m cutting down on FACT CHECKING, and also, dear reader, I don’t own an iPod, so I wouldn’t even be able to PLAY his music on anything BUT a CD player in this scenario; and, all that said, playing music digitally before killing oneself seems sort of ridiculous, like, honestly, you’re going to go through your entire PLAY LIST, find the CHEESIEST FUCKING SONG EVER and then listen to it with your earbuds on so you can put yourself in the perfect,  depressed mood? THAT’S crazy.)

what if i suck_john mayer

After I wrote all this I *DID* Bing John Mayer and — for the record — I would TOTALLY kill myself while looking at this picture.

Bottom Line: I refuse (!) to go around THINKING ABOUT how much I suck. What I would much rather do is BELIEVE that I have a talent and that this talent is worth something (worth something = you (collective) will pay me (singular) for my writing).

But, “What,” you ask, “if you really ARE delusional? What if you really DO suck, but you’re just WALKING AROUND THINKING YOU DO *NOT* SUCK!?”

First of all, I’m getting confused between YOU and I. What if *I* really suck and I am DELUSIONAL? Okay, I’m with YOU now.

WHO CARES?! I would rather live a life of delusion than live a life of thinking I suck. I mean, as long as I don’t think someone high up at the Vatican is out to get me, who CARES what my delusions are, right?! I’m not hurting anyone and I’m certainly not living my life running away from any MONKS.

I see the cat as a lion because I see the glass as half full.

GO, LION-CAT!

So, that’s it! If my wildest, most hopeful DREAMS are just Delusions of Grandeur, so be it! (But I don’t really think they are) ((I = me)) ((they = my dreams)). And, I will go on living and believing that dedicating my forthcoming book to my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds is hilarious, even if it may be a little nuts.

Rock on, rock stars!

Love you,

Catherine Bardagy Winchild

7 replies »

  1. Bardagy:

    Always read your stuff and it’s hilarious. But Mayer, while totally annoying and full of himself, can play. And sing. I’ve seen him numerous times with his “rock” band and his blues trio and the kid’s got chops. Check out one of his recent albums, ‘Born and Raised,’ I think you’ll like it. Anyway, besides being the heir apparent to Clapton (you know who that is, I’m hoping) he grew up in Fairfield. Not bad for a rich kid from the CT. He does not suck. But I do.

    Love,
    Rick (W.O.W)

    • RICK!!! What a wonderful, perfect thing to read. THANK YOU! And you KNOW I trust your music taste, so I will happily give home-town-boy John Mayer a try. I wasn’t kidding when I said I have NO idea what he sings. All I seem to know is that he dates. A LOT. Of famous women :)

      Thank you for reading and being here and the kind words and also for the hilarious W.O.W. signature!

      Lots of love/c

  2. Where do I send the check?? That was flipping hysterical ! ESPECIALLY… all of it ! I was going to say the Sidetrack tangent on swanky/skanky, then I thought no, the bit about John Mayer/ the playlist/earbuds then I was like, but what about the picture to kill yourself to?!? Sigh…[wipes tears from cheeks] No worries. You can take yourself off the suck list! You are funny! xo

  3. I hadn’t read the previous comment when I excitedly posted and I just have to say this. Rick, my husband agrees with you on John Mayer and we have had numerous “discussions” about how annoying/sucky I find him (John Mayer, not my husband). Catherine, this is just my thought but knowing what you know about him, when you listen to him, you will still be annoyed. :-)

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