something for the ladies

That Party I Went To Where I Kept Telling People I’d Sleep with the Women at the Party

Are you one of those people who says stupid things at social gatherings because you are so used to writing that you can barely speak the English language anymore and sometimes when you try to be cute, funny or clever in 3-D your “jokes” fall flat? ME TOO! I made you some 2-D pictures of the stupid things I said to the live people.

three tall german women

I am having a lovely conversation with these 3 very tall blondes in heels.

I left the conversation with the tall German ladies to go look for my friend. I found her talking to a diminutive, adorable American woman wearing a hat with hair sticking out. I interrupted their conversation and was trying to be funny and blurted out this:

i would sleep with the 3 gerrnan women

4crickets chirping

When I got the blank stare, I decided that maybe she was feeling bad about herself (?!) because I’m going on and on about the model-y blondes, and for some mistakenly-feel-the-need-to-take-care-of-others reason, I said…

stupid thing to say

OHMYGAWD

She ignored me and just started talking to my friend again.

I walked away and found a nice American man to talk to and learned that he was married to one of the tall German “models” and the husband/man is also about 6’9″ and looks Just Like Jeff Goldblum, which I tell him, and he says that only his best friend in the ENTIRE world has ever said that to him and I joke that we should be friends because I Really Get Him and then — because I’m still trying to make this joke WORK  — I try again with…

This nice man sort of laughs and gently walks away. Oy.

What. The. Fuck?!

The nice man gently walked away and I was left…

dancing alone to  brick house

Dancing alone to Brick House.

She’s mighty mighty/Just lettin’ it all hang out.

Categories: something for the ladies

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28 replies »

  1. Oh my gaaawd i do shit like that all the time.
    I’m not often around strangers though so most of the people (family and friends) don’t get phased at my inappropriate and misunderstood comments.

  2. I like it when people say things like that. I LOVE it. I love when people say inappropriate(-ish) things so much that I sometimes try to play the role of “fun person who says inappropriate things to make everyone more comfortable,” even though I am not 100% committed to the role. Which is a good reason to stay home. At the party I most recently attended, I tried to stick to, “Do you think there will be school on Monday?” It was unsatisfactory.

    I did have one interesting conversation about autoimmune disease.

  3. thank you for supporting my inappropriate-ish things said. I actually didn’t regret any of it, even though it sounded so stupid when I wrote it out. But, this made me feel much more INTERESTING.

    You could talk about whether or not there was school on Monday All Night Long and I would still consider you the most interesting person in the room.

  4. I find I say the word Boobs a lot. Like, Holy crap, her boobs are fantastic, so perky, so out there. You could get lost in her boobs. I find a lot of people have to ‘go to the bathroom’ after I make comments like that.

    • SHANNON! I’m so happy to blog meet you. Any friend of katy’s is a friend of mine. and thank you so much for the kind words about my writing. we should def. be connected, as we both like to NOT capitalize the first words of sentences and also b/c you blog has the word “neurotic” in it. thank you for saying hi. I can’t wait to read more about you!

      • i’m more of a reader than a writer these days but thank you for your very enthusiastic reply all the same!! your blog has brought me great joy over the past few (indeterminate amount of time) so i’m glad i finally said hello!

      • Me too! <– so glad you said hello.

        I tried to comment on your FAB 1980s/UK-looking photo shoot and I can't get it to read my wordpress. I've had this issue w/ another BlogSpot site. anyway, i'm going to comment as anonymous, but now you'll know it's me.

  5. i’m sorry our blogs aren’t playing nicely with one another. i didn’t get your comment, but this made me happy anyway. it also reminded me of that time i dressed as 80’s pop icon (for a certain section of british folk) alison moyet, to which i will link you at the end of this comment. and don’t worry if you have no idea who that is, because in the photo of me dressed as her, i am actually HOLDING A PHOTO OF HER because why not. ok, if you insist, here’s a video of her singing cos she’s rad and stuff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9_HrktOwrk

    http://neuroticcity.blogspot.com/2012/10/8th-day-of-halloween.html

  6. A discussion with the hubs made me circle back to this post so i could show him the hilarity of your drawings. and then I saw it. Your cartoon you is Kelly Ripa. amiright?

  7. There was a time in my life, between when we were kids together and radio people together Cath, that I went to a lot of KidFriendsParents parties. I call those the dark times now. My Y chromosone went lowercase and I started to know the words to some Jimmy Buffet songs. I hated me then, but I didn’t know it until I moved back to Dontgiveashitsylvania.

    …and you were powerful good at the talkin’ thing on the radio with me Ms Winchild. I am a witness.

    • You say the NICEST THINGS Dave Rogers. Thank you. It’s a horrible thing to regret all one’s said. I’m glad you’re in dontgiveashitsylvania now. I’m ALMOST there. I’m hoping 50 will be the magic pill. Poker night: soon!

      • In January, my fantastic husband just threw me a surprise party, inviting over 250 people and more than half showed up. Shannon was there! I spent the whole first hour of the party pointing at people, screaming, “Holy Shit!” Which in my book is better than, “Oh My God!” It was hysterical. I was so happy I had chosen to wear a form fitting all black outfit including high heals and SPANX…I looked like I was 35. The next month I got so. very. serious. 50 is magical.:) When is your magical day? I think we’ve already discussed this and I’ve already forgotten. 50 IS MAGICAL.

  8. I was totally at that party! I think that I was the stand in girl after the hot German chicks, but as I recall I asked you if we should get a room. :)

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