You are probably saying to yourself, “Oh, there’s always that ONE person in the house who THINKS they know the best way to load the dishwasher.” Well, aren’t you adorable and I’m glad we’re not married.
FACT: There isn’t always one person in the house who thinks s/he can load the dishwasher the best. There is one person in the house who absolutely, positively KNOWS s/he can load the dishwasher the best.
I have two words for you: DISHWASHER MANUAL.
The dishwasher manual is not the United States Constitution. There is no (whack-job) interpretation of its contents. It contains only those instructions that apply to your SPECIFIC DISHWASHER, and — to make things even easier for you — the manual contains ILLUSTRATIONS of the dishes properly loaded.
Now, I”ll grant you, the illustrations look like the dishwasher owners use 1950’s style china and do not account for the homemade plates and over-sized mugs we all use these days. But, here’s the magic: no matter what kind of dishes you have, water must actually get to them. The manual illustrates the best way to get water to dishes in YOUR dishwasher.
Do you know why people fight in religious wars? Because they are basing their lives on TWO DIFFERENT DISHWASHER MANUALS! There is ONLY ONE SINGLE MANUAL FOR YOUR DISHWASHER, so if all the people just adhere to the instructions of the person who read it, there will be no religious wars. Or something like that.
Was your dishwasher already in your home or apartment and didn’t come with its manual? Look at what Joe Clark did. He “exported [dishwasher manual instruction pages ] from PDF to PNG and uploaded to Flickr.” If you can’t find your dishwasher’s instructions there, I highly recommend binging your dishwasher brand and serial number and finding it on this miracle of the internet!
Don’t be an Oatmeal. LISTEN to your loved one. Even if s/he never actually read your dishwasher’s manual, s/he cares deeply about how it’s loaded. So why would you fuck with someone who cares THAT MUCH about something? Do you want her to end up like Ruth Bader Ginsburg??
Please forward this post to your favorite Technical Writer who takes the time to write and illustrate a dishwasher manual. Or, to someone who is in an insane asylum.
Catherine Bardagy Winchild
PS: Just in case you think I’m being overly dramatic, here are After and Before pictures of my dishwasher: