The Stepford Wife Diaries — Compton

Uhg! Is that how you spell uhg? It’s not Ugg, like the boot. I think it has an H. Anyway! I’m writing because i’m so mad at our neighbors right now. They put all their leaves in a HUGE pile right next to our property line and I asked Karen, very nicely, if she was going to move the leaves and she told me she was going to compost them and use the dirt in her garden. Just my luck, I move in next door to a bitchy hippy! (do you spell hippy with a Y? I’m so bad at spelling!!!!!)

This town is nice, but nice in a Rhode Island way, not in a Connecticut way. it’s so funny, how you have to say “connect” inside your head when you spell Connecticut!

I miss the Connecticut woods, especially near our old house. There were so many trees on our property, we were able to cut down almost a full acre for our renno and still have lots more trees to look at. I guess there are more woods in RI on the other side of the bay, but everyone says the schools over there aren’t ranked as high as they are here.

I have made a few nice friends. The other night, Kristen picked six of us up and we all went to this great Mexican bar on the water (being on the water is definitely the best part of being here. More sailing for us!). We drank soooooooooooooooooooooo many margaritas. Oh my gosh, Kristen never should have driven home! (not that anything would have happened if we crashed into something going 25 miles an hour in a Suburban!). But, it was pretty fun. The good news is, four of the women are interior designers, so I’ll be able to get lots of great ideas for the new house.

Jim and I met for lunch in Providence last week. That was nice. And Providence isn’t as tacky as I thought it would be. My mom always told me, “Providence is the armpit of New England.” But, it’s actually pretty nice. Jim’s boss Duncan is super sweet and his wife Anne is lovely. We’d never be super close friends with them, but they’re really nice and welcoming. They’re from Grosse Point.

I’ve been playing a lot of tennis lately, which is great. My game is getting alot better and my arms look hot! Like Michelle Obama’s, but not black, of course!

Mom is coming next week to help with the kids so Jim and I can go to Germany together for his work trip. Germany’s not my first choice for traveling in Europe with him, but the move and his new job have been so stressful, I thought it would be great to be with him without the kids. I don’t think any of the other wives are going. Of course, his colleague Diana is going, but, I won’t be able to sight see with her during the day, obviously! In all honesty, who would want to? She’d probably try to hit on me. How come all the women who are successful are lesbians?

I wonder what it would be like to kiss a woman. Well, kiss a woman when I wasn’t completely drunk!!!! I mean, everyone was fooling around with other people’s spouses that night at the Riding Club, but, I just happened to kiss my best friend. All I remember is a soft feeling and then both of us giggling! We were outside and we could see in through the windows of the Riding Club and watch who was kissing who. Susan and I must have sat there for an hour. Mrs. Kottle was kissing Robert Wilson and Mrs. Kottle is probably in her 60s!! Of course, no one said a word about it at church the next morning.

Well that’s enough writing for one day. I still have to go buy frozen pizzas for dinner tonight. Actually, maybe I’ll send Alex to the store and then I can spend an hour with the kids before Jim and I go out . The kids love Alex. She’s a great babysitter. The only thing I don’t like is how she looks at Jim. But, everyone flirts with Jim. It doesn’t really bother me. He is the best looking husband of all the women I’ve met in this town. He was probably the third best looking husband in Connecticut.

Well, over and out diary! Is that what you say when you finish writing in your diary?! Ha! I guess I can say whatever I GD want! It’s my diary! So, over and out, diary, for now, of course!!!!


COLORS in Lacquer! Photo credit:

21 thoughts on “The Stepford Wife Diaries — Compton

    1. it came at the very moment that i needed to read something light and witty that made me think for a second that you had a new group of friends led by kristen! haahaha xoxo

  1. We so much (many? I’m not sure how to say this) woods that I can trail run AND see the bay at the same time. pfthht.

  2. True story. My wife and I were watching a show called Providence a while back and I thought that the city it was filmed in was different so I asked her what city it was that it was filmed in, and she said, “Providence”. I felt like a freaking idiot.

    1. Is it better because of the turf field and nice buildings, or just better because the children aren’t so allergic to snacks?

  3. I feared Kristen for a moment. Why does CBW need a new friend when she can go out twice a year with me? Have I become redundant?

    What a relief.

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