You Know the Story

You know the story…

Woman meets psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist medicates woman.

Woman loves everybody.

Woman goes through menopause.

Woman realizes that Stepford Wives, RI drivers and entitled douchebags are still ridiculously annoying.

Woman hopes someone will punch her the next time she says she “loves everybody.”

Woman puts on 10 pounds.

Woman reconciles extra weight, because now she looks like a woman and — also — she already tried NOT having a woman’s body during puberty, and that was horrible, Plus, her BMI is still really healthy and within normal range. So, she buys a whole new wardrobe, and — seriously — why doesn’t anyone ever get excited about buying new clothes when they put ON weight?

Woman’s meds stop working.

Woman wakes up in the middle of the night and experiences 2-hour long self-hating death spirals.

Psychiatrist adds SECOND med.

Woman is like, “A second med? Why not just switch my meds?”

Psychiatrist says something that woman doesn’t really remember, but definitely gets the feeling that the psychiatrist is firmly in the “add drug” camp and not the “switch drug” camp.

Woman feels GREAT.

Woman puts on 8 more pounds.

Woman’s body no longer feels like her own and she’s like, “WHAT THE FUCK?! I can’t just KEEP putting on weight!”

Woman takes herself off second drug.

Woman takes herself off half of original drug.

Woman tells psychiatrist that she knows he was resistant, but now she really wants him to switch her meds.

Psychiatrist balks at suggestion that he was “resistant.”

Woman is like, “Oh, good. Another reason to feel crazy.”

Psychiatrist switches woman’s meds.

Woman is elated.

Woman has massive heart palpitations.

I mean, non-stop, all day long, feel them in your THROAT palpitations. Capiche?

Woman experiences severe anxiety.

Woman dreads everything.

Woman feels nauseous.

Woman calls psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist tells woman, “You are in the valley between when your old meds were working and when your new meds will take affect. Ramp up your yoga. Do what you can. It should start getting better soon.”

Woman enters third week of valley.

Woman has absolutely ZERO funny thoughts pop into her brain. Well, okay, maybe that one thing about looking up to see what kind of bird was making a unique call, and then watching the bird poop and wondering if the call was a “I have to poop!” call. But that wasn’t really that funny and it really didn’t make the woman laugh out loud.

Woman stops jumping out of bed at 5 am to write her book.

Woman can’t even write a Facebook post.

Woman uncharacteristically reluctant to publicly share what’s been going on.

Woman then has a blog post pop into her head.

You know … the same old story.

24 thoughts on “You Know the Story

  1. aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!
    one feels so fucking helpless and caught between a rock and a hard place. Meds are supposed to make life more tolerable but when they aren’t working we have to wait. Wait for what? HOPE it works? and what if it doesn’t work and you’ve gone through all the weeks of trouble of switching meds only to feel like you’re even worse off?

    I hated being reliant upon meds. And that one day every now and again where I forgot to take it and then feeling like a heroin addict for a day going through withdrawal and eventually getting desperate and breaking up a capsule into a spoonful of peanut butter just to take the edge off.

    I don’t take drugs but it took years to come to this decision. Even though I’m 99% sure I’d be way better off with the drugs.

    i hope your new med starts working. fast. like, yesterday.

  2. Ouch…and LOL…and fuck a duck…and OUCH again!

    Yup… Same old story. That purgatory between the meds and the gyrations you go through combining/ adding/ decreasing pills that are SUPPOSED to just FIX IT sucks. We can fly to the friggin’ moon, for God’s sake, why can’t we fix crazy?

    And, while you wait for the perfect crazy cocktail to be delivered to you, people say dumb ass things like: This too shall pass, Hang in there or best of all’ Focus on the blessings in your life. Excuse me while I get a fork with which to gauge your eyeballs out.

    Most infuriating is that all three are true and valid words of wisdom. It DOES pass… have to hang in there…and there ARE blessings in your life. Right now, though, suck ass is going to be your response to the annoying deluge of “how’re you feeling?”inquiries. Keep ranting…keep sharing.
    I’m here ❤

  3. Frick it all the hell. I was wondering why hilarity was no longer making its way to OH from RI.
    But glad you put it out to the universe so we can send you good juju. Here’s an idea to think about since you have so much more of this FU life to live…take a pharmacogenetic test. You might find you don’t process those drugs well. It’s saved me a lot of symptoms and wasted money from trying this and that. My endo ordered the test and it’s an easy 25 rotation cheeky swabbing. Fun with friends at the doctor’s office. Much love.

      1. I was stunned when I got my results. Let me know if you do it. The cheek swab was sent to a company called Genelex, out of Seattle.

  4. Catherine, you already know this but I have to say it just in case: probably a lot of people feel this way (although not with awesome bird jokes) and just don’t say it or even articulate it silently in their own shriveled minds.

  5. Oh Cath….I am just getting to this post now…and feeling like a shit-bad friend for having not reached out to you to see if I can do anything…come for a visit? Have you come to VT for a visit? Talk on the phone for a few hours?? Sending LOTS of love and hugs…

  6. You know I feel your pain! You are great at putting words together to describe something that is indescribable!! It is a feeling that is mangled into a huge ball of messy feelings….it is just awful. BUT, sharing your story makes it more bearable for all who suffer from it (and there are many). I thank you for sharing and hope so much that you get relief soon (which you will)……after the roller coaster of BS you have to go thru to get there but you will get there!! Many miss you and your sense of humor but I also know we are all here cheering you on thru this journey and hopefully we can make you laugh for a change:) stay strong and can’t wait for you to be back better than ever! XO

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