Uncategorized

I Want to Elect the First Female President Because I’m a Sexist Pig

I am voting for Hillary Clinton because I want to elect the first female President. That intention has been labeled sexist. Not sexist pig, but — you know — a girl’s gotta make an interesting blog title to compete with all the dwarf goat videos (so cute!!).

The “I’m-sexist” argument has gone (REPEATEDLY) something like this: You shouldn’t vote for someone just because she’s a woman. That’s wrong! We don’t want people to vote for a man just because he’s a man.

First of all, I am not voting for any woman. I would rather take an iron on the LINEN SETTING to my inner thigh than vote for Carly Fiorina. When I say I want to vote for Hillary because she’s a woman, I just assume everyone knows that I believe her (over)qualifications to be IMPLIED.

In case that implication is too VAGUE: I am voting for Hillary because she is incredibly smart; competent; wonky as hell; was an outstanding Secretary of State; cares deeply about the issues facing children (always has); high-tailed it to upstate New York as one of her first acts as a Senator to listen — and then respond to — the needs of the farmers and other residents in New York’s most rural and disconnected region; INVENTED the (paradigm-shifting) phrase, “[H]uman rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are human rights;” supports a woman’s right to have an abortion, is a DEMOCRAT, ANNNNNNNNNNNND I believe she will make a GREAT president. A REALLY AND TRULY GREAT PRESIDENT.

If Hillary were running against another woman, I would have my work cut out for me, because  — believe me — if you had two Democratic woman running for president, they would both be ridiculously qualified. Why? Because no woman on the Democratic side would ever — in a million years — run for president without being HYPER competent. WE DON’T DO SARAH PALIN!

My theory of Feminism goes something like this: If you have a man and a woman who are equally (she’s probably more) qualified, you go for the woman. Why? BECAUSE YOUR MOST DEEPLY HELD INSTINCTS WILL TELL YOU NOT TO.

I was BORN a baby woman feminist. Still, as an ADULT, do you know what I thought the first time I heard a female pilot come over the loudspeaker on my plane? Holy shit it’s a fucking female PILOT! We’re all gonna die! In all fairness, I think we’re all gonna die every time I fly on a plane. THAT ASIDE: Thank goodness that particular airline –and others since — have hired female pilots. These days, when I hear a woman come over the loudspeaker, it’s completely normal. And that all started with some airline executive tweaking his or her deeply held sexism and BELIEVING that a woman with the requisite skills could BE a pilot. And maybe that airline executive intentionally chose a woman because s/he wanted to make THAT VERY difference. What a goddamn fucking sexist douchebag!

I’m voting for Hillary because she’s a woman AND I want to make history with one of the most qualified candidates ever to run. She’s been a First Lady, a Senator AND Secretary of State. Does she have to be a fucking GOVERNOR before we can say we’re voting for Hillary because she’s a woman and people will GET that her qualifications are IMPLIED!?

Me? I just want to live in a country that has the breasts to elect a female President. I’m proud to say, I have those breasts!

hillary_imwithher

Categories: Uncategorized

7 replies »

  1. Yeah, baby! You’ll love that my daughter checked the “Feminist” box on a Tell Us About Yourself section of a scholarship application. Baby, she was born this way.

    I’m with her, too. We are geniuses.

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