I Want to Elect the First Female President Because I’m a Sexist Pig

I am voting for Hillary Clinton because I want to elect the first female President. That intention has been labeled sexist. Not sexist pig, but — you know — a girl’s gotta make an interesting blog title to compete with all the dwarf goat videos (so cute!!).

The “I’m-sexist” argument has gone (REPEATEDLY) something like this: You shouldn’t vote for someone just because she’s a woman. That’s wrong! We don’t want people to vote for a man just because he’s a man.

First of all, I am not voting for any woman. I would rather take an iron on the LINEN SETTING to my inner thigh than vote for Carly Fiorina. When I say I want to vote for Hillary because she’s a woman, I just assume everyone knows that I believe her (over)qualifications to be IMPLIED.

In case that implication is too VAGUE: I am voting for Hillary because she is incredibly smart; competent; wonky as hell; was an outstanding Secretary of State; cares deeply about the issues facing children (always has); high-tailed it to upstate New York as one of her first acts as a Senator to listen — and then respond to — the needs of the farmers and other residents in New York’s most rural and disconnected region; INVENTED the (paradigm-shifting) phrase, “[H]uman rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are human rights;” supports a woman’s right to have an abortion, is a DEMOCRAT, ANNNNNNNNNNNND I believe she will make a GREAT president. A REALLY AND TRULY GREAT PRESIDENT.

If Hillary were running against another woman, I would have my work cut out for me, because  — believe me — if you had two Democratic woman running for president, they would both be ridiculously qualified. Why? Because no woman on the Democratic side would ever — in a million years — run for president without being HYPER competent. WE DON’T DO SARAH PALIN!

My theory of Feminism goes something like this: If you have a man and a woman who are equally (she’s probably more) qualified, you go for the woman. Why? BECAUSE YOUR MOST DEEPLY HELD INSTINCTS WILL TELL YOU NOT TO.

I was BORN a baby woman feminist. Still, as an ADULT, do you know what I thought the first time I heard a female pilot come over the loudspeaker on my plane? Holy shit it’s a fucking female PILOT! We’re all gonna die! In all fairness, I think we’re all gonna die every time I fly on a plane. THAT ASIDE: Thank goodness that particular airline –and others since — have hired female pilots. These days, when I hear a woman come over the loudspeaker, it’s completely normal. And that all started with some airline executive tweaking his or her deeply held sexism and BELIEVING that a woman with the requisite skills could BE a pilot. And maybe that airline executive intentionally chose a woman because s/he wanted to make THAT VERY difference. What a goddamn fucking sexist douchebag!

I’m voting for Hillary because she’s a woman AND I want to make history with one of the most qualified candidates ever to run. She’s been a First Lady, a Senator AND Secretary of State. Does she have to be a fucking GOVERNOR before we can say we’re voting for Hillary because she’s a woman and people will GET that her qualifications are IMPLIED!?

Me? I just want to live in a country that has the breasts to elect a female President. I’m proud to say, I have those breasts!


7 thoughts on “I Want to Elect the First Female President Because I’m a Sexist Pig

      1. You got my attention with the Bardagy name – I’ve known your crazy dad for 58 years. You rock, girl! Well done! – Billy (a senior sexist pig….just kidding about the pig part)

  1. Yeah, baby! You’ll love that my daughter checked the “Feminist” box on a Tell Us About Yourself section of a scholarship application. Baby, she was born this way.

    I’m with her, too. We are geniuses.

      1. We’ve done so many. Can’t remember if it was scholarship.org or if it was for the engineering dorm! Love that kid.

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