This past August, I was forced to get a puppy. A puppy was mandated ( Man Dated!) as an incentive for my daughter to get better. She had to go to the gym and workout daily in order to retrain her heart. It wasn’t easy, but the puppy promise definitely helped and I’m grateful for […]
Category: general humor
The Six Words You Should Never Say Out Loud (Unless You Want People to Hate You)
There are many six-word strings that will make you the scourge of the earth in my mind. Some examples: I voted for Donald J. Trump. Republicans have really evolved over time. Cath, fly my cat to England. But, the six words you should NEVER … EVER … NEVER say, unless you want people to think […]
The Reluctant Home Schooler — A Very Long Account of What I Have Been Doing for the Last 10 Weeks
My daughter is home. She attends an online public charter school (wrap your head around that one), sanctioned by the state of Oregon. How did we get here? Well, my daughter’s science teacher was covering evolution and global warming and her school required vaccinations, so I finally said: Enough is enough! Noooooooooooooooo!!!! That is not […]
50 Things I’ve Learned In 50 Years
In no particular order … I don’t have to care what anyone thinks. If someone is mad at me, it’s their job to say so. I don’t have to guess and investigate. If someone is mad at me, I am not a bad person. If your mom is mentally ill, you will learn a lot […]
10 Signs You’re a Shiksa Preparing for Passover
I know … I know. Shiksa doesn’t rhyme with Passover the same wonderful way that Shiksa at a Bat Mitzvah did. Oh well. Here are my 10 Signs You’re a Shiksa Preparing for Passoverka: When writing your shopping list for the Seder, you pull out the Jewish holiday cookbook that your mother-in-law gave you, which contains every recipe […]
All I Really Need to Know About Marketing I Learned From Taylor Swift
Some of you know that I’m another one of those assholes writing a book. But what you may not know is that authors don’t get to just sit in their “woman lofts” [1] and write funny words that get turned into hilarious sentences, but that we are also required to MARKET our books. Yup. The writers, lovers of WORDS and […]
Underwear That’s Fun to Wear!
I am stating for the record that I’ve already had too many conversations for one lifetime about whether women should wear underwear to bed and also when NOT to wear underwear under their clothing. Apparently, if you are short and wearing tight leggings, you must go wedgie-free. GOOD GAWD, I never thought underwear was optional for […]
Zen for the Rest of Us
Zen is so HARD! Here is some “Zen,” for the rest of us. Well, okay, for me.
That Time My Mom Almost Ran Over David Letterman
When you grow up with a mentally ill mother, you don’t know she’s mentally ill. You just think she’s kinda different. But David Letterman? He figured out my mom was a complete nut job within three minutes of meeting her. Yes! My mom met David Letterman! Here’s how the story goes… My mom was driving down […]
What Would My Mom Do? Not Much That I’d Do Today
Yo, parents! There’s a calling for more laid-back parenting out there in the ether and WE’D BETTER LISTEN UP! First I read this op-ed piece in the NY Times and then I saw this online article’s headline: What Would My Mom Do? (Drink Tab and Lock Us Outside) I’ve been avoiding parenting advice since I owned that guilt-inducing hell called What […]
Writing Out Loud 