general humor

Shiny Unhappy People

Happiness is the new black and it is really pissing me off. Since when do we all have to be so fucking HAPPY? I mean I know it’s our God-given right via the Fourth of July and everything, but the blogs, books, movies, songs…everything these days is focused on happiness, what makes people happy, what happy people have in common, how we can all be happier.

I am here as an unhappy person to say ENOUGH.

There are different types of unhappy people. Some unhappy people are REALLY hurting inside and life is so painful that they do self-destructive things in order to avoid their pain. Those people need Help. For the record, I used to be one of those types of unhappy people. Thank you, bulimia!

Now, there is another type of unhappy people, and those are the folks who no matter where they move, how pleasant the weather, what kind of job they do, marriage they’re in, house they own, or meds they take, have a steady, low-grade, consistent, some might say adorable, level of unhappiness. The latter kind of unhappy people is me! Now!!

Note to happy pushers: I AM PERFECTLY FINE WITH MY SET POINT OF MISERY, CYNICISM AND UNHAPPINESS, just like I am perfectly happy with my height (short), weight (120), level of intelligence (low-smart), sense of humor (fucking hysterical), hair (FAB!-ulous), feet (uh-DOR-able), unequal breast sizes (left > right), anxiety (ahhhhhhhhhhh!) and everything ELSE about me.

There are some VERY unhappy people who wouldn’t be half as interesting if they WERE happy. Louis C.K. is the first one who comes to mind. That guy is a brilliant MESS. Frankly, I think most comedians are miserable, and that’s why they’re so damn funny. Besides comedians, there are lots of other people who depend on their misery in order to do what they do. Artists in general are a pretty unhappy bunch. Derivatives Traders are unhappy. Oh, wait…no. Those guys are just DICKS.

All these articles, blogs, movies and books about being happy are starting to take on the tone of those products that help you lose weight or get rid of wrinkles or increase penis size. Happy is just another thing that we SHOULD be. Well, I’m done trying to be something I’m not. And I. AM NOT. HAPPY.

Glass_Half_Full_bw_1

Whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist, I guarantee that this glass of water is full of chlorine and will taste like CRAP unless it’s filtered.

I am a glass-is-cracked-and-leaking woman and, guess what? Before that, I was a glass is-cracked-and-leaking GIRL. Hell, I was a glass is-cracked-and-leaking NEWBORN! Can I change some of my thinking? Of course I can…and have. Do I experience many happy MOMENTS in my life? Absolutely. But I will always — and forever — enjoy a particular level of unhappiness.

Because without my unhappiness, I never would have my sense of humor or my perspective on the world, both of which I enjoy. Oh, and I definitely wouldn’t be a writer if I was really happy. What the fuck would I write about it I were happy? Kitty cats and ice cream?

So, worry! Be unhappy! The world needs the art, music, writing, jokes, plus whatever else we unhappy people love to create. And maybe all of us unhappy people can try to convince the happy people to buy the products of our unhappiness. Not that it would make us any happier.

The end.

4 replies »

  1. I’ve been wanting to tell you about the movie Happy for a week now and this seems like the most opportune time. You’ll actually love it. Or it’ll inspire tons of posts. I watched it w/ the kids and they even love it.

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