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All the Times In My Life I Wish I’d Said …

You know the drill. Someone says something completely obnoxious to you and anywhere from 24-hours to 10-years later, you realize how mean it was. Then — of course– you finally come up with the perfect comeback. I’m of the belief that the perfect comeback is typically: FUCK YOU! Today I list all the times in the last 48 years, starting in preschool, that I wish I’d said, “Fuck you!”

  • When you punched me after I stuck my finger in the box that held the baby chicks you brought in to show our preschool class.
  • In second grade, when you said, “I don’t know, CAN YOU?” every time I asked, “Can I go to the bathroom?”
  • When I asked, “What are you doing?” and you responded with, “Building a snowman. What does it look like?!”
  • When you puffed out your cheeks when I went to get another piece of bread.
  • When I got off the school bus and you yelled, “Bye, ugly!”
  • When you waited outside my ballet class and called me, “Fatso,” as I left.
  • When I was President of my Junior High School and we won Best Student Government in the state of Connecticut, and YOU stood next to the Governor in our formal photo.
  •  When you wrote a song in high school called, “Big Boobs Bardagy.”
  •  When you fell asleep during my therapy session.
  • When I tried to talk to you at the NRBQ concert and you completely ignored me, EVEN THOUGH I HAD JUST MET YOU.
  • When you told me you wished my body looked as good naked as it did in clothing.
  • When you told me that I was much better on the phone or in letters than in person.
  • When a group of us were having a conversation about religion and you said, “Some people just don’t get it,” AND YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ME.
  • When you said, “I just ignore your Facebook posts because they’re so annoying.”
  • When you waved at me, palm up, beckoning me with you four fingers to get you something.
  • When you questioned my intentions to support for Hillary for President.
  • When you told me that my Ulcerative Colitis was caused by not expressing my anger!

To all of you…

Thanks to the wonderful Kat Kissick, for permission to use this.

Thanks to the wonderful Kat Kissick for permission to use this fabulous piece of artwork.

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